Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Day Nineteen



Redemption is a big religious word.  For some people, being redeemed is the whole point of being alive.  For others the word carries a lot of dead weight-- it's been used as condemnation, as if their whole life was a mistake and in need of erasing.

Years ago, a friend shared with me their experience of redemption.  I've found it helpful. Redemption, they said, is about breaking the chain that ties us to prior behaviors that weren't healthy, whole or healing so that when similar circumstances to the past arise again, this time we can choose a different path.

An example might have been witnessing an act of cruelty or injustice and out of fear or indifference, turning away, whereas the next time something similar occurs, you find your voice and courageously speak up. Or, maybe it's learning to not pick up a drink or drug simply because that's how you've always dealt with uncomfortable situations.

I like this understanding because redemption isn't some once and done event.  Redemption is a process of perceiving the patterns in our lives, the repetition of interactions and experiences that can become opportunities for us to grow into greater wholeness. Stevie Wonder calls redemption the higher ground to which we aspire. In that space we can be glad we know more than we did then. Knowing more now, we might land in a similar scenario as before, but we can be different this time.  Break with the old script, and begin writing a new story line.

When have you been grateful for this kind of redemption?  As a practice, think of a scenario in your life, one that didn't go well, one where your actions were not as you would have wished.  Then, think of a second, similar scenario with a different outcome because you acted in accord with your higher ground. What's the title of the first scenario? What's the title of the second scenario?  And what are you grateful to have learned that made the second situation different from the first?

--Ken

3 comments:

  1. Today I can only say I am grateful for these excercises and for the great music. I love this song and have long held a similar pholosophy, keep trying, don't let the mistakes stop you, just learn from them and try again to be better, do better next time.

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  2. Old story: We don't have to be close, and I don't have to care
    My brother and I just had an "okay" relationship when we were children. It's long and complicated... and none of it was very good or healthy. As young adults, we avoided each other. When he DID talk to me, it was stories of his drug use, all night parties, in your face views on politics and religion. I was kind of disgusted by him then, for lots of reasons. But I was also mad, hurt, and sad. I felt cheated that we never had a good relationship and angry that members of my family blamed me for "taking the attention away from him" when we were teens (he was the perfect child, I was the child who tried to be perfect and failed at almost every turn... needless to say, I got a lot of negative attention... so maybe it's true?)

    Anyway, the point is that I didn't listen. I became offended, projected feelings, walked away, argued, told him what to do knowing he wasn't listening. It was awful, for everyone. Worst of all, I told myself not to care... convinced myself I didn't care... protected myself from caring... I cared... but it hurt too much so I buried that and acted like I didn't.

    New story: We don't have to be close, and I will love you anyway
    Not much has changed in my relationship with him, at least on any deep level. Since my mom was diagnosed with cancer, we have spent more time together, and to his credit, he has really grown up a lot, emotionally speaking. It's been nice to see. However, we are still not close. It's heartbreaking, still, but I'm in a different place with it, with him. I am able to accept him (because of the work I have done on myself) and see him for who he is (or at least who I perceive him to be)- hurt, broken, intelligent, beautiful, caring, OCD, striving, wanting, lonely, full of energy and forward motion. I am able to see how our relationship became what it is and take responsibility for my part in it.

    I am willing, able, and ready to listen to him, be with him, take him as he is... even when it's hard. I imagine I can barely fathom the depth of his broken-ness and he is not ready to be close to me. But that's okay. I am loving him now... and grateful that I can do it in a clean, healthy, happy way, even when he doesn't love me back.

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  3. Redemption.... I'm still waiting for it. I have learned to be more forthright instead of expecting others to read my mind and then blaming others when I wasn't getting what I needed. For the courage to ask for what I want and need I am grateful.

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